Even though you ideally do it face to face, a letter can be the best alternative for some situations, but how do you write a breakup letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend, and which situations are we talking about exactly? So with all of the above in mind, how do you write a breakup letter? Here are a few thoughts to guide you through this delicate exercise.
If you are in a long distance relationship, communication can be difficult over the phone or on Skype, especially if you’re not very comfortable about the topic of conversation…
If your partner is quick to anger, and if he/she is prone to violence. Or if he/she gets very (overly) emotional. Making it in both cases difficult for you to explain your point of view clearly.
Otherwise, consider other options, it’s always best to try and communicate face to face. Don’t use a text, have a minimum of style and respect!
What are the rules of a breakup letter?
Consider it like being face to face, but in written form ; be tactful, explain clearly that your relationship ends and be honest regarding the reasons for breaking up.
Always allow for an opportunity to communicate, for you and for your partner : in your letter, tell your partner that you are open, after a few days or a few weeks, to seeing him/her again so that you can both explain yourselves in person. Give yourselves some thinking time so that you can both talk about it calmly like the reasonable adults that you are.
Be clear in regards to your intentions through your letter : a breakup should always be clean and efficient. So at all cost, keep away from any ambiguity! Your partner should know what this letter is about after reading the first sentence. It can seem tempting to tiptoe through it and to lose yourself in clumsy explanations and justifications before pronouncing the fateful phrase. Your partner could see it as a lack of resolve on your part! Which could lead him to think he could change your mind… So the opening sentence should ideally be as clear as possible : “I have decided to end our relationship.”
Be honest and precise concerning the reasons for breaking up. There’s nothing worse than being left in the dark! It causes a great deal of stress and anxiety, as well as a drop in self-confidence. Communicate openly. Your partner deserves to know why you have decided to end your relationship. So express why you think things must stop between the two of you.
Don’t throw blame around
The blame musn’t be solely put on only one of you (wether you or your partner), it’s better to present it as an incompatibility. Avoid easy accusations, they are pointlessly destructive. Now if your partner has had an attitude, a behavior that drove you to end it, tell him. It might even help him in his future relationships if he is willing to work on himself and change.
But do so by stressing what you personally felt, instead of serving him with heavy blind blame : “when you did […] I felt wounded etc…” instead of “the fact that you did […] completely destroyed our relationship”.
Be nice. What I mean isn’t to show compassion or pity for your partner who might think you’re patronizing him. But rather that you can compensate in writing the nonverbal elements of a face to face conversation, that can sometimes soften the blow (a smile, a look, a tone of voice…). To compensate all of this, we today have a whole array of smileys and emojis… But I will advise against there use, that could give a very strange feel to your breakup letter! So watch the tone, and try putting things into perspective. What you want to show your partner is that even though your relationship is ending, he/she doesn’t count for nothing.
Find the correct conclusion
Don’t be afraid of ending your letter on a positive note. Such as : “I’ve appreciated the time we spent together, and I hope you will find someone with whom the future will be brighter”. By doing that, you show that you have no hard feelings towards your partner, and that you clearly want him (and you) to turn the page after your story and to to write new ones.