A sad love letter for him to express your sadness and incomprehension to him, and also to say “I’m lost without you”.
Sad love letter for him : I’m lost without you
I know, nostalgia is bad, you live in the past, you don’t move forwards. I know, you keep telling me. All the time. But Peter, that is why I’m alive, that’s what keeps me going within this empty shell of a couple. So shut up and let me sink back into my memories. April 13 2010. You are handsome, your eyes sparkle in the dark room. I instantly have a crush on you, I fall for your crappy sens of humor and your habit of curling your hair around your finger. I fall for you, I don’t turn love down, I greet it with open arms and I tell you loud and clear : “be careful, when I give, I give one thousand percent, you understand?” But you want me, in your bed or in your life, I don’t know and it’s better that way.
Read also : Sad love letter that makes you cry
Six years later we share the same apartment, the same bed, we still laugh a lot together but something is broken. You don’t say anything. I love love too much, I love to love too much and I loved loving you too much. But today, love, our love at least, starts weighing on my brittle spirit… It’s that fear of hearing you come home and grumble about nothing in particular. It’s that anguish when I’m listening to your reproaches about anything directed at me : the cleaning, tidiness or my love, too big… I thought I loved you the right way, perhaps with my broken and slighly lopsided heart, but doing everything I could to make you happy. And you tell me I give you too much : too much attention, too much love. You know why Peter? Because I do it for the both of us. If you don’t want to give me more love, if I get on your nerves with my plea for attention, then I give you twice as much… Maybe to pretend I’m getting some in return.
I can’t imagine my future without you because after six years of life together and at least four years of happiness, I don’t want to think that the story ends in failure. I’d rather be a coward and stay under the sheets we share, convincing myself that we’re lucky to be together, telling the others that you and I are living the dream when in fact I cry alone against the bedroom door so that you don’t hear me. You say I care too much about the image of us the others see, but maybe that’s what gives me the strength to hold my head above the water Peter.
I can’t imagine my future with you either. How could I? You hate me, you don’t want to see pictures of me anymore : I mean, you get mad at me when I post some on social networks. I too am sick of pretending, of giving you compliments, of kissing you all the time hoping for you to come back to me. F**k Peter I know, I know that you won’t move a finger till I’m actually gone. I’m not 18 anymore, I’m no longer into emotional blackmail. And when I’m going to go, it will have been thoroughly thought through. Sure, I will cry, sure I will have hit rock bottom, sure I will probably think I’ve made an enormous mistake. But I just can’t be afraid of you lying to me anymore, afraid of you shouting at me, afraid of not being good enough.
I don’t think I will give you this letter, but part of me hopes you find it.
In the meantime, keep on looking the other way when I suffer!