Sometimes love is not enough, here is a letter for when what you feel is : I love you but I can’t be with you
You don’t want to be with me. It’s a lure, an illusion. It reassures you to have a feeling of balance, to have your little life on the right track, to see in the eyes of others how successful you are, even in your couple. But the fact is you’re not capable of love, of real love. I’m not even sure you know what it means, if you know the feeling of love. Of true love.
What surprises you in the fact that I want to be with you? Why are you uneasy when I want to meet you somewhere? Are you ashamed of me? Do you want to hide me? Are you selfish and do you only want me for movie-make out-sleep dates? You’re just afraid of telling the truth, you are a number one liar by omission! You are a coward because you don’t dare to clearly say “Lou, I don’t want you to come”, you’re too scared of me leaving you. Because basically, you’re aware your behavior isn’t normal, you are aware of having crossed the line and said terribly hurtful things to me.
I could imagine the future with you, more and more. We saw more of each other, we shared more, with each other but also with each other’s friends. And I was a fool to think that you enjoyed it as much as I did. With you, I wanted to move forward, I thought you had grown up, become more mature. I hoped my children would be yours and no one elses. I wanted to do everything with you. But you couldn’t stand it. You want to be in a couple and live like a bachelor. No thanks.
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You are a hypocrite and a liar. You adapt yourself to others like a chamaleon. Even I don’t know who you are anymore Theo. A loving and adorable guy, often. A pathological liar and a coward, sometimes. To often to my taste.
I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired of trying the impossible to make you happy, tired of fighting against my feelings, tired of not being allowed to love you fully. You don’t like the way I love you, but I can’t change it.
And as you aren’t happy with me, I’m making the decision for you by leaving.
Don’t talk to me, don’t contact me, I love you still but it’s too big a pain to endure.
Have a good life!