Below in an example of a love letter written by a mother to her son.
Love letter to my son
You were my miracle, you became my reason to live, to fight, some days to keep going. My hope, my pride, my everything.
Mother instinct. A unique sensation, powerful, instinctive. I had waited for it a long time. I thought I would never have that desire to bear a child. And to think that as a young girl, I remember talking about wanting a large family, about wanting four children!
And with the years – having become a young woman – studies, time going by, other plans… 25 years had passed and still that desire wasn’t there. I have been autonomous and independant very early but life hadn’t placed upon my path the one with whom it would have been obvious to want to have a baby, at 25 years old.
Years flew by, 26, 27, 28, 29 years old and still nothing. Children all around me but my ECG remained flatlined and my biological clock turned off, no ticking to be heard.
And then it happened, the clock went wild. No gentle waking up but an ongoing beeping sound, as if a count down had been started, waking up my desire to bear a child like a tidal wave. All of a sudden, it had become an obsession ; a lacking deep inside of me.
How can we miss so much something we never even knew?
The sensation was both physical and psychological, it was like an emptiness in my stomach, a calling, and my eyes flooded with tears at the sight of a baby.
When you were in my womb, despite a difficult pregnancy towards the end, I always had this notion that I was invulnurable, that both of us together were strong. Maybe because you already were my little super hero?
An emergency C-section had to be done to allow you to be born. It was a shock. It still is difficult for me to talk about today. Guilt? Shame of not having been able to bring you naturally into the world? I don’t know…
You have turned my life upside down, made me a mom, taught me what unconditional, pure, everlasting love is.
Are we symbiotic, too much, in a bad way? It wasn’t always simple, I have often felt overwhelmed, unworthy, not up to the task… but never have I asked myself that question in such a way. A question that was probably triggered by those who said “maybe you should cut the cord”. I hate that metaphor, so guilt inducing, so judgy ; how to cut the cord when your child isn’t even 3 years old? All the more so when you are a single mom?
My big baby, my little man, my hapiness always and sometimes my pain. You already understand so many thing with your sensibility, your sixth sens, your keen sense of observation… but I will do everything in my power to preserve your innocence, your playfulness, your airiness, your joy of living. Your smile erases every tear of pain or anguish.