Forgiving someone who cheated on you is not an easy thing and yet some couples managed to survive an affair and grow even stronger, so let’s find out how they overcame infidelity. And to help us, two wonderful people have accepted to share their stories with us… “Surviving an affaire” : let’s discover these couples who did it !
Surviving an Affair : How Couples Overcame Infidelity
1/ Forgiving an infidelity : Cassandra’s story
It’s not easy for me to talk about that part of my life because it was extremely difficult. After 15 years or marriage, I discovered one morning a message from a woman on my husband’s cell phone. Actually, the name on the screen was “Martin”. I’m not curious and I had never snooped in his phone before, but it wouldn’t stop buzzing so I ended up unlocking it (he had given me his password, so I had all the less reason to be nosy or to suspect anything).
I felt annihilated when I found out this Martin was in fact a woman with whom he sometimes had very hot conversations, and that it had been going on for several months now.
I won’t go into details, but the first sentence was enough for me to literally explode. I broke everything, I threw his clothes out the window, I never wanted to see him again. He was crawling at my feet, begging me to forgive him, crying out that he was sorry. At that precise moment, I couldn’t have cared less about his apologies. I was full of rage, it was like I didn’t know the man in front of me anymore.
Read also : Emotional apology letter for cheating on him
I stayed at my parents’ with the kids for two weeks.
That’s when I realized that I loved our family life and that despite his treason, I still loved my husband as well. I stayed at my parents’ close to two months before accepting his offer : undergoing marital therapy to try and save our couple. It wasn’t easy, we had weekly sessions for almost a year. We understood many things about ourselves, about our couple and how and why our manner of operating wasn’t as good as it used to be.
Obviously he cut all ties with the other. And, when I took the decision of forgiving him, I made the promise to myself that I would never bring up this subject ever again, in unrelated fights for example. Since then (and it has been 7 years now), trust came back, gradually of course, but it did. I sincerely believe he will never risk losing me again, because he knows that if ever he relapsed, this time there would be no possible discussion.
There is no good or bad way of dealing with it.
I don’t know if you should give up or not. I think it all depends on willpower. Adultery used to be very common, and today we make a huge mountain out of it because of the big blow to our ego. But at the end of the day, what we had built during all this time was, in my eyes, way more important than his few months astray!
2/ Forgiving an affair : Oliver’s story
I found out my girlfriend had cheated on me after we had been in a relationship together for three years. We had imagined having a baby and she wanted to come clean about her treason before starting a family.
At first, it drove me crazy, she disgusted me, I didn’t want to touch her anymore. And then, very quickly, only a few weeks later, I thought to myself that if she had confessed it of her own accord, it meant that she really did want to start a family on healthy and solid foundations with me. So I forgave her.
I used to think about it all the time, it obviously haunted me at first. And then, months and years went by and my words of forgiveness turned into a rock solid and definite truth.
We will soon have been together for 9 years and we have two amazing children, and I can tell you that I am more than happy to have made that call a few years ago. I would have ended up regretting sending everything down the drain because of a simple “one night stand”, whereas now, I have an awesome family around me and a wife I would trust with my life.