So you’ve been together for several years now and all is well, there are fights of course, and you also know what routine is about, but you’re both globally happy within your couple, and yet your boyfriend lied to you, and even if it was about something small, you’re wondering what to do now…
My boyfriend lied to me about something small : What to do ?
First, it’s important to know the difference between “serious” lies and small lies by omission !
Small lies by omission
Did he say he was going to the restaurant with friends or that he was meeting with girls? Or did he tell you the sweater you gave him was stollen or that he had lost it? Did he say he was going out with that guy when he was in fact with others? Did he say he would be at that club when he had planned to go elsewhere? It’s a pain, but it isn’t serious. Your man is probably lying to you in order to avoid conflict because he is afraid of the way you’ll react, and would rather go around that by inventing little lies or by voluntarily “forgetting” to let you know about some of his actions. Are you, or has you ever been jealous?
Read Emily’s experience below, she suffer’s from her partner’s lies but seems to have found out where they came from :
I’ve been with Brice for 5 years. At first he would tell me everything and we would almost do everything together. But I am very jealous and during the first years I was prone to extreme behavior : fits of jealousy, lots of tears, hysteria even. And today he lies to me all the time and that gets on my nerves because I snoop around even more, I try to get hold of his phone, his Facebook account… to find out if he’s been lying to me or not. And in the end, when I find out the truth, I always feel like a dumbass because in fact he did nothing “wrong”, he lied to me of course but deep down I know why. For example, the other day, he was meeting some chick for a work related lunch and had told me he was eating with a colleague. I know that if he had told me it was a girl, I most certainly would have gone berserk for nothing at all, it just gets the better of me. So now I just feel he lies to me all the time so that we don’t fight…
I think it’s a very fair testimony. Sure, lies are annoying and can destroy trust within the couple, but be sure to ask yourself, every time he lies to you, how you would have reacted if he had told you the truth. If you would have gotten angry, then you know the reason for the lie.
What to do?
Start by working on yourself before blaming him for all his lies. Even if you can’t become “unjealous” and can’t manage to repress every single tantrum, it will positively affect your couple. But even if you show good will for two years and he notices the change, he still might keep lying to you because of your past. So it will take time but it’s worth it if you want to bring back balance to your couple.
Serious lies : pathological liers
Your man lies to you about very important things, sometimes even life changing ones (he told you he was single when he was in fact in a couple, he’s a gambling addict, a drunk, he’s overburdened with debt…). He denies it, traps himself in his lies, tells you he will change, relapses… In short, he’s a real liar and it has nothing to do with you.
There’s nothing you can do about it, only he can decided to get professional help, but such a decision will seldom be taken. In fact, he doesn’t even realize the seriousness of the situation and clings to denial. Take care of yourself, colateral damage is frequent, and you will suffer and even maybe involuntarily become his accomplice.
What to do?
Try to help him become aware of his problem. If that doesn’t work and you suffer from the situation, the best solution might possibly be to run away…