Being ready to move in together doesn’t happen overnight and is never an easy decision, but when in doubt, you can always look for different signs : here are the 9 we thought of!
Just think about it, it’s going to turn you lives upside down! A new rhythm, new habits… Living together might not be the fairytale you were expecting. Don’t get me wrong : living together is great, but you have to learn how to compromise. I mean, some people decide to live all their lives in two separate apartments for fear of routine and loss of independance (of course it gets more complicated if kids walk into the picture). So, when should you live together?
(Before anything else, I’ll just say this : whatever the case may be, the dicision should come from both parties, one should never force it onto the other.)
Are we ready to move in together? 9 signs that show you are
Signs you’re ready to move in together #1 : It’s already kind of the case
Your toothbrushes are already standing bristle to bristle in the same glass next to Snookum’s sink, you are even entitled to a small drawer and a few of your clothes are scattered here and there. You are used to going to each other’s place. In fact, you almost feel like you’re already living together (warning, it’s only that : a feeling!). Personally, I’ve lived that way with my boyfriend for a year and when we really moved in together, I naively thought nothing would change. Living at one or the other’s and living TOGETHER have nothing in common. If you need some air, if you fight, you can always go outside, but you can’t go rest at your place anymore, you no longer have your private cocoon. You are sharing it now, and you must truly want to.
However, having some experience of living at the other’s place (or him/her living at your’s) will already have helped you identify the little things you like and dislike concerning his/her behavior. Maybe he never cleans up, maybe she always leaves her panties on the floor, maybe he likes to watch TV shows till 3am, maybe she wants to be asleep by 10pm in order to have her 10 nightly hours of sleep… You know this, now you’ll have to live with it!
Signs you’re ready to move in together #2 : You aren’t at the beginning of your relationship
This is an obvious one, but you’re never too careful. You don’t move in together six months into the relationship. You don’t take such a serious decision when you’re blinded by love. If you’re still in the “passionate” phase, beware! You migh feel like everything is rosy and beautiful and will remain the same or even get better once you move in together. WRONG! Passion has to be nurtured, and it has everything to do with the desire of seeing each other. When you will live together, passion will fade. Inevitably. Which doesn’t mean you won’t love each other anymore, on the contrary! You simply have to be ready to accept going from passion to Love. You simply need to be ready to build.
Signs you’re ready to move in together #3 : You aren’t doing it for financial reasons
Don’t be an accountant. Don’t live together because you’re both in studio apartments and you could get a bigger place for less. Well you could, but it’s not a good enough reason to. “Well still, it’s a good deal.” NO. Money musn’t influence your decision.
Read also : What is love all about in a relationship
You have managed to live alone up till now, so don’t make that mistake. Decide to live together when your relationship allows it : you have reached maturity, you want to build, you accept your partner’s character and flaws… Those are reasons for living together. Don’t think about the money.
signs you’re ready to move in together #4 : Fighting is not part of your daily routine
If your relationship is already stormy without sharing the same roof, I strongly discourage you to look into it. Living together will not make the fights go away, far from it. Are you jealous when your boyfriend goes out? You think it will be better when he’ll live with you? Well no! He will want to go out without you all the more, in order to see his friends, far from you, to breathe a bit and get away from the daily routine. Once again, it has nothing to do with love. Every human being, as in love as he/she might be, needs independence and freedom. Keep in mind that 1+1=2. You aren’t one unique human being in perfect fusion, Androgyny belongs to myth.
Living together isn’t a band aid. Tend to your couple’s wounds before choosing to live together.
signs you’re ready to move in together #5 : You are aware of the difficulties to come
I’m not denying living together is great! You’ll wake up every morning next to the man you love, you find him again every evening, you feel safe, every year brings new twigs to your nest, you are the couple you’ve always wanted… Yes it’s true. But the beginning can be brutal if you aren’t prepared.
Keep in mind that the housework will become your worst enemy (hire a maid, makes things easier ), and also that your life will change, that your rhythm will change, maybe you’ll even need to change your work hours, and there will be nothing you can do about it. Also don’t forget that you can’t change the other, and that consequently, if there are things you can’t stand about your partner, carefully ask yourself wether you’re ready to accept them, to live with them for the rest of your life.
signs you’re ready to move in together #6 : You don’t fear the daily routine
I always smile when I read articles or see documentaries about people looking for love and who say : “So I’m looking for a relationship with complicity and no place for routine”. Yes, yes, yes… Dreams are wonderful So first of all, stop seeing routine as a big ugly monster trying to devour your couple. You just have to learn how to tame it, to live with it. Routine must not take up all the space – but it is entitled some room nontheless.
For examples, your romantic evenings will quickly turn into an early movie followed by bedtime because both of you are working in the morning. But is that so bad? The important thing is to allow yourselves some romantic time outside of your routine : cinemas, restaurants, bars, concerts… And most importantly, some alone time without the other! Go eat out with friends, go dancing, have parties without him/her, you will need it! To maintain a healthy relationship!
signs you’re ready to move in together #7 : You’re totally cool with your partner’s rhythm
Good for you if you have the same, but that’s not always the case. Be aware of that. Some couples work around that, for example they don’t go to bed at the same time, or they don’t have dinner together, because one of them get’s back home later than the other. Other couples prefer doing everything together. You “simply” have to be on the same wavelength. If you enjoy some quiet time at home and your partner likes to invite friends over to play video games all night, either you wear earplugs, or he goes at his friend’s apartment next time.
signs you’re ready to move in together #8 : You’re going for neutral ground
Don’t move into one or the other’s place. Choose an apartment together. Because the one accepting the other to move in might regret it later, feel invaded in what was HIS personal space up till now. That can provoke useless tensions. Avoid at all cost!
signs you’re ready to move in together #9 : You are autonomous
Each has his own life, you are neither codependant nor fusional. Your couple is built on a solid and healthy basis.